So after lots of procrastinating, I finally went and had a family constellation session. I was a bit worried about the language difficulties since it was in Spanish but I got along. Maybe would have been better in German or English but I think it was fine.
Let's see what I will get out of it. I have big ass family stuff (don't we all). The thing is, I understand everything behind it rationally but I always stay in the distanced analytical mind. I froze my emotions, basically I froze my whole life. Stuck and frozen, which also sums up autism in some way. Never had a proper relationship, don't really mingle with other people, staying in my comfort zone. Sure, I challenge myself - backpacking the world for example. But I never fully jump into it, I always keep one foot on the ground so to speak. Anyway, the session was interesting, emotional and powerful. It was only the first one and there might come more. Interesting how she picked up on past eating disorders just by the way I placed the figures that represented my mother and father for example. Overall, it is too early to judge but it seems a powerful way of therapy and dealing with family energies. My friends recommended her highly. Overall, my main role is to be happy. There is nothing else to be done. I am the child, it is not my role to take care of my mother. Let's see if something changes inside.
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